Not Feeling Grateful this Thanksgiving? That is Perfectly Fine
Thanksgiving week is here, and my kitchen is already buzzing. I am not hosting this year, my brother and beautiful sister-in-law is opening their home to us, however there are other engagements that Jason and I will be hosting and attending this week so bring on the cooking! Here in the states, Thanksgiving is sort of our official “kick-off” to the holiday season, even though the retail stores are practically looking at spring already. Sigh. Good thing I am not a fashion blogger, it would be a disaster for me trying to keep up!
Thanksgiving is known as a time to gather, eat delicious food and give thanks. All of Lillian’s school work that she has been bringing home reflects this and as I sat in meditation, holding my son’s picture this morning, envisioning what he would have looked like this year as the family gathers around the table, so many feelings arose. And being thankful – was NOT first in the eruption of my thoughts and emotions. At first – I felt guilty. After all, there is so much in my life that I do have to be grateful for. I reflected on the four years of words from my loving friends, family and mentors, as I usually do this time of year to try and feel relief – and like always, I struggled to find it. The holidays are the biggest slap in the face, loudly reminding me that Joseph isn’t here.
So, here I am, another holiday season as an angel mama and even though my feelings are always up and down, left and right and all over the place – one thing remains constant. My writing. I will once again, strive hard to reflect the pain into loving words in this blog to help you all – because that is what I love. And I’ve said it before and I will say it again:
Writing is the tool of God’s grace for me. – Lindsay Marie, Just Be
As a trained specialist in so many areas from natural living, pregnancy, birth, motherhood and my own raw and trying experiences – I will work hard to articulate the right words to say to my fellow mamas who are suffering right now. Getting through the next six weeks for so many of you, will be like running out of a burning home with glue stuck to your feet. Whether you are a loss mama like me, a mama with a new baby and battling Postpartum Depression or grieving over any kind of hardship or loss – the holidays can feel anything but joyous.
So, what is the biggest thing I want you all to know right now? Well – the first thing that sprung to me as words replayed in my head over and over, while looking Joseph’s pictures was very simple – it is okay, to NOT be thankful this Thanksgiving. Now, let me just say – for most of you who know me might have drawn in their breath a little bit, like “say WHAT now? She is ALWAYS promoting to practice gratitude!” And while that is true and believe me when I say, I still wrote down my three things I was grateful for today – forcing yourself to be grateful when your heart is bursting with pain is not always the first strategy to get through it. Some of us are simply not ready. And guess what? That is perfectly fine.
Give yourself permission right now to: Feel sad. Feel angry. Feel frustrated. Feel lost. And to cry, even if the tears feel like they will never stop.
You don’t need to feel like you have to hold it all together every minute of the day this holiday season. Your feelings that are bubbling up underneath the holiday cheer – are there to help you navigate your way through. They are a steering wheel to show us what to do next, not to be shoved away. When you are crying in your hands, wanting to scream at the world, repeat this in your head as many times as you need to: feel it to heal it and it is okay to cry.
I am wish you all a peaceful Thanksgiving!
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